Ministry-More Compassionate

Ministry is not about meeting the surface needs of all the followers. Young leaders let Ray Johnston know of their desire to be led well by elder leadership.

As I picture it, it's great to give the passing, "Praying for you," when rubbing shoulders with someone you know has a need. But is that really compassion?

Some show compassion by reaching out to the less fortunate. Others champion the rights of those who can't defend themselves. Maybe, compassion can be extended to those in your own family. How cool would it be for a teenager to really understand and empathize with a parent going through a tough time... instead of consistently being focused on their own world... their own emotions... and their own needs?

Are you short on compassion anywhere in your life? I think I'll go hug my kids.

KidLead - Are Kids Creative... Or Just Strong-Willed?

When a child is acting out... parents often punish them. The goal is to extinguish the behavior with pain (emotional or physical). This may discourage a child from expressing their personality. Discipline, however, hones that behavior. It's about self-awareness, self-control and learning the reality of consequences.

I don't have a clear answer - but I do know if parents, in general, continue to squelch their children with punishment for most every infraction... we will likely find ourselves with a generation of creatively deficient overseers with very little leadership strength.

From the book, KidLead by Dr. Alan E. Nelson, "When you intimidate with verbal threats or punish kids exhibiting outgoing creativity, you damage their leadership development."

Agree? Why?

KidLead - I'm The Boss Around Here

Ever see a kid totally control their parent(s) at a Wal-Mart or grocery store? Maybe in the mall or any other store where the child may want something that the parent(s) doesn't think they should have?

What you may be witnessing is a budding leader in the making.

Sure, you can bully them with threats and verbal warnings like, "I'm the boss around here." But that default style of parenting could squelch the very leader that is right under your nose. It could be that we, as the parent(s), are the 'diminishers' of the immature leader trying to stretch their wings.

Reducing the intensity of the situation is the goal. Use it as a teachable moment. Consequences can (and should) be attached to inappropriate behavior but not without clear explanation.

From the book, "When you play the 'parent card' in order to gain control and get your way, it usually means you've lost the battle. This is a last resort strategy."

The idea is you lose the ability to develop the leadership potential that might be evidenced in the 'inappropriate' behavior. It's a difficult task, but parents have a high calling to provide a safe place to have their children display their gifts of influence and grow in their confidence while failing with dignity.

KidLead - The Spirit of a Young Leader - SHHHH...

Young leaders are greatly influenced by the people in their lives. Sure it starts with parents, but it also includes teachers, coaches, church influences and adult friends of the family. Could we possibly be missing the boat regarding our influence in the kids' lives all around us?

From the book, KidLead by Alan E. Nelson... one of five areas that breaks the spirit of a young leader is: Poor Listening and Exclusion of Their Ideas.

Leaders typically have a lot of opinions. It's not that being opinionated makes you a leader. But leaders have opinions and ideas. When children convey their opinion openly and often, adults often squelch those expressions in the name of protecting the child from displaying characteristics such as arrogance, stubbornness or being too demanding. We might even call them out as not being team players. 

Children value having their voices heard. Who doesn't? When we trip them up on sharing their opinions and ideas, we often stymie the very leadership they were gifted by God to exhibit.

From the book, "Responding to the ideas of young leaders requires emotional intelligence. While we can't always provide ample time and attention for listening, when we consistently quiet our kids, exclude them from adult conversations, and dismiss their ideas as childish because they're young, we telegraph the idea that their natural gifting is not valued. By failing to reinforce their opinions, we communicate that their leadership is not valid. Literally, we're creating leader 'invalids.'"

OUCH! Have you been at all suspect in diminishing the leadership of a young person within your sphere of influence? At home? At church? At school? In sports? Next door? Suggestions on what you can do?

Spanking and Parenting - The Solution

I recently received an awesome email about parenting and spanking. I realize this is highly controversial for some of you... but just relax. This email WILL SOLVE THE DEBATE about whether or not to spank a child. Just read on - trust me.

Most of the American populace thinks it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of "those moments." One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

Some say it's the vibration from the car. Others say it's the time away from any distractions such as TV, video games, computer, iPod, etc. Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. Eye to eye contact helps a lot too.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

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WAIT FOR IT...

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I suppose if I couldn't spank my kids, this might work. Then again, is spanking really that bad? What's your take?